I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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