I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
