Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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