Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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