i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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