But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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