can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
