So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
