Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize