Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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