Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
