Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The uberlube is also flammable
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
