so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
