I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
