After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
