id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
