I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
