brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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