the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he thought i was a dude.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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