he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
