My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
