i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
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So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
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He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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