oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
