I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
