Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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