I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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