you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
