She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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