mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
