he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
