Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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