I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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