I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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