please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
His nipple licking is glorious
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