Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
