The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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