K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
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