well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
