Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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