covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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