lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
