He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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