RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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