my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
