dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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