I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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