Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm at about main and main street
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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