I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The feeling are messing with the penis
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
