physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
