Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
