i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
