I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
