Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
