Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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