what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
