From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My bed smells like the plague
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
