I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
