Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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