I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
