What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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