Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
