I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
