I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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