those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
