ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
