And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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