I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
