is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
