how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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