She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
